Lust && Love

BLOG DAY #5

My definition of love has definitely changed over the years. I use to think it was just someone to chill with and talk to. You know that definition we have when we’re young and really don’t know about it, when all the only people are saying “you can’t even spell love how you love someone.”

T-Bird and I we’ll you read our kind of history together. But I’m not going to lie part of me did love her and want to be with her long term (if there wasn’t all the cheating and lies) but part of me did love the sex. I know it sounds totally bad!! But it’s so true. I just liked the way she touched me, I mean it was another girl at first it was weird but then it started to feel good. She touched me so tenderly and was always gentle with me. So u loved her but the sex was a big factor in it also.

After T-Bird I noticed that sex won’t talk to you at night, sex can’t hold you when you’re cold at night. And when your going through something sex won’t talk you through it or at least be there for you. So not only did we break up after constant cheating but I realized that my “love definition” needed to change; along with my relationship expectations.

When I found my second girlfriend B-STAR it wasn’t like I was even in a relationship. We went to the same school and I felt that we weren’t even together. We’d see each other but keep walking or just text each other. We talked all the time, just not at school. Then my definition changed it wasn’t so much about the talking to someone it was about spending time with them, them wanting to take time to be with you.

It wasn’t until my junior year I came up with a good definition of my own. While I was dating YORKER, was when a super long yet hits every point definition came along. My definition of love is: finding someone who you can not only talk to all day, but spend time with; having no awkward moments without meaning; being able to sleep next to that person then waking up next to them feeling just as good as you did before you went to sleep. Being able to fight know that its just one more mountain you’ll climb over together.

That’s my definition of love, there’s been times I found it with YORKER but we just cant seem to get past the fighting and coming back to each other part. We fight and sometimes we make it but sometimes things just get to hard and she ends up leaving. We’ve been on and off since 10th grade and we’ve done it all together. The thing is…will she come back and we finish our story this time…or will it keep going round and round.