Alone In The World

I can't even begin to express how I'm feeling. I've expressed it once before and I still have no answers. The feeling of defeate and giving up has came over me. I feel like just making a fire and blowing everything in it.

I went to my lighter and needle about 2wks ago just to find out, I had not fire in my lighter. I asked Pooh to send me one but she's not down for it. And I haven't been able to burn because I haven't got a lighter. I just need an escape away from everything.

Normally people have friends to talk to about this but there's two problems with that. 1.) Mentally I only have one friend and physically I have no one. I just feel I'm always there for people around me, but its like no one can be there for me. (Besides that one person) So to avoid all that I've been like a mirror to everyone. Most people I hang out with are happy so I just reflect whatever their feeling back to them. No emotionally I'm disconnected but I appear perfectly normal. And its been working to my advantage too.

Generally school gets me away from everything. Unfortunately that's not the case. Let me break it down for you. I'm taking child development, it only makes sence child psychologist taking child development. But for me the class is just more than watchin how children grown. It makes me want a little bby and that thought takes me to YORKER and by now everyone except her knows how I feel. I even canceled a party invite because I knew she would be there.. the other class in taking is philosophy of sexuality and that's just a direct link to YORKER, my whole sex life was wit her. Yea there were other people but most of it was YORKER.

Again I'm just at a fucking loss with this thing I call my life. "/