Ticking Bombshell

I was born with a temper. Having tempers just runs in our family, but within the last year I feel my anger getting worse. Before I sound like a 24/7 angry bitch I'll explain what I'm trying to say.

There is a long actually very long list of things that aggravate me. A lot of it to someone else would be like "oh you tripping'" but no a lot rather big or small things bother me. (They're all running through my head now, but there's way too my to sit here and list) There's (outside of family) I think one other person besides myself who knows how selfish I can be with someone. She's (Pooh) had first hand with my selfishness for 4 years so she completely understands, well I'm not sure she understands but she knows how I get. Then There’s others who know I'm selfish but just don't know how "bad" I can get. They see what I show, and figures out some but still have no idea. Basically it’s me and my selfishness times 3 and that’s how it is.

I'm the kind of person who you can make frustrated and on the outside I'd get over it but inside I'm dwelling on what happened which builds up and makes me mad all over. So I can get mad about the same thing hrs after it happened. And I never say anything so it just builds up inside. A lot more it's been happening too; people just been frustrating me left and right and instead of saying "aye you’re pissing me off" I shut down, get quite, just answer short style with “yea, okay, um” as answers and dwell on whatever just pissed me off. Sooner or later I’m just going to crack!! Everyone will leave me alone after that and watch what they say to me because obviously they haven’t figured out who I am. My fuse is already short and now it's burning and it's just a matter of time before I fully go off on someone. It’s happened before and it’ll happen soon I can just feel it in my body its going to happen soon. There’s so many things built up inside there’s no telling who or what I’ll do when the time comes.

I strongly hate people who constantly say things that are like set in stone. Understand? Or do I sound confused too? (It happens a lot!) Example might help: I can say "omg her hair is horrible" she can change that before I see her again, right? But for someone to be like: "you’re a brat" it's like uh duh? I’ve been me for about 20 years now I know how I am. So what!! I'm not calling you to get me stuff and you’re not buying me anything so stop pointing it out! There's a list of 3 people I ask to get me stuff: my mom, my step-dad, and my daddy (who is dead) it's not like I ask everyone for everything I want! If I can't get it from my mom or step-dad then obviously I don't need it and won't ask for it! Even if someone went to the mall bought me my favorite shoes; there's a high as chance I'm going to not even open the box and tell you to return to sender! B-Ball Star bought me some green vans they were the cute ones I said I wanted and I didn’t even take them, it’s like yeah I’m s brat but I don’t take things from people who isn’t my mom or her husband. I hate that because I’m a brat people think I’m going to take whatever I can get my hands on, WTF!! NO!!! That just pisses me off to an all time high! I’m a brat deal wit it! If you get to know me you’ll see yea I want a lot of stuff but I don’t go around getting everything I want nor do I go around asking people for things that I want. I won’t even ask someone for a quarter if I needed it. I just don’t do that and it really makes me mad that people that call themselves “knowing who I am” honestly don’t know shit about me at the end of the day.

Like I said there’s only one person who kind of understands how I am, and how to talk to me and how not to talk to me. Other people are just completely missing the whole point of everything its like if I clearly get mad then clearly you did something wrong and it pissed me off. My Pooh is the only one I say sorry to for my actions too so its like with her there’s times I fuck up and as much little things she do for me I owe it to her to be there all the time. Even if I’m there and a bitch that’s not being there and she doesn’t deserve that at all! So besides her I really don’t say “hey I’m sorry for today” uh no that’s not my job people know what pisses me off and what they shouldn’t do/say.

New Black Fatal Sex

So much has been going on lately I don’t even know where to begin. I guess the most obvious one, my new blog. Yes I changed everything about my old blog and yes there’s kind of a long reason why I did. Everything about my old layout and title reminded me of someone other than myself, call me crazy but I think a blog should be all about me. Rather it was a good reminder or a horrible one it still wasn’t me. So I changed everything. We’ll start with the title “Mrs. Lady” was old one, “Lady” the name Ariel gave to me. And when I redid my blog last time, her and I were together and now that we’re not no need to keep a nickname. “Territorial Domain” new title fits me perfectly and if I get to that part you’ll understand perfectly why. And if I don’t get to that part, you’ll figure it out pretty fast. I changed the other layout just because…well I don’t have a real reason I just got tired of seeing the same old layout so I changed it to something else. I think this one is pretty kick ass…what do you think? As you noticed, well if you’ve been coming to my website since kingdom come you’ll know that once I start changing everything on my blog I tend to delete all prior entries, and yes I mean ALL but I didn’t do that this time. Not only do the last entries mean something to certain people, but one of my entries could be something that a little girl looks at and finds herself in it. (Highly doubtful) but you never know. So I kept them all, at least for now.
Signed: Mrs. NewNew


As of right now school which is usually my get away area, is becoming a stress area in which I need to avoid but really cant so I go everyday put on a happy face, laugh a dumb jokes and come back home wishing tomorrow will be different which it typically isn’t. Yet I go everyday and do what I have no choice but to do and call it that. Lets not get it wrong there are 2 people I can count on that’ll for the most part make me laugh for real and they’re around a lot so that’s good. But lately I’ve been noticing that everything around me upsets me more. Don’t know if that makes sense so like say it like this, I was born with a short fuse and its been getting shorter nowadays. And yea it’s a bad thing, well for other people not really so much for me. I don’t know where and why this is coming along all of a sudden all I know is that is coming off truly strong; I’m doing my best to still have a good time but its kind of hard when everything makes you mad. To add to school stress, there’s always family stress. I don’t even know where to go with this one. Maybe I’ll start with the fact that I want to fight my sister. I don’t mean haha punch punch I mean take my earrings off put my vans on and really fight her. She’s done so many stupid things lately I cant even begin to tell you, but one of the ones that really pissed me off was this one: so my niece, her daughter, lives with me and when my sister came out here to visit to promised my niece she would send her some money. (No one told her to promise a 5 year old anything but she did, and def was the first time.) So about 3 weeks goes by and my niece asked my mom was my sister going to send her money. So my mom asked me to message my sister on facebook to ask her what’s sup. And here is where everything goes down hill, she started going hard on facebook talking about “if you bitches wasn’t family I wouldn’t fuck with you, and ya’ll ain’t gotta check up on my money I know what I gotta do.” Okay now, if you know me you know I most def went off in that next message and knowing my scary as sister she deleted, and blocked me. 1.) Nobody told her to promise her “daughter” anything. 2.) Nobody is checking on your little ass county check that you get because your ass is too high to find a job. So after that like 94% of me wants to fight her, but her and her county baby daddy is pregnant so I’m just waiting until she drops that baby and then I will step to her so I can drop her!
Signed: Mad Black Woman


I’ve had a fatal attraction to someone lately. And for secretive reasons we wont go into names, but so I wont sound like a broken tape saying someone all day we’ll call this person Green Eyez. After my last break up I was really down in the dumps and was alone. Green Eyez came and started making everything better. And soon enough I was attracted, not sure if it’s for one reason or another but the attraction is there. I call it fatal attraction because we can’t do anything about it or it could be deadly to our friendship. But everything that we need to be there, in order to make something happen is there but for the sake of our friendship we have to fight the temptation more. Green Eyez and I have found ourselves in this situation before and fought it away; this time at least for me the attraction is way stronger than last time and there’s way more temptation and way more fighting we have to do in order to maintain normal. I think I’ve said this before I hate people who you can tell go do this and they do it, it’s not only annoying but it makes my skin crawl! I have a strong erg and attraction to people who don’t give me my way all the time. It makes me have to actually fight for what I want and we all know I’m a selfish spoiled brat who wants everything I can get. But the only frustrating part of it is not getting anything I want, ever! That is like another extreme, as much as I hate pushover’s I hate not getting anything I want just as bad. I like it somewhere in the middle. But back to Green Eyez and I, I have to fight this or I’m going to end up hurt again and I hate emotional pain! Lately I’ve been Mrs. Cuteness and flirting more than my Libra allows but now I have to find a way to back off of it all. I refuse to end up the up one again and going through that alone. So as of the posting of this blog I’m backing off Green Eyez although that’ll be hard because the attraction is so strong I’m willing to push it all away.
Signed: Fatal Lust


There’s this dream that I keep having, sometimes I goes sexual and sometimes I just goes normal. I’m not sure what to make of it but its making me want to go to the mountains. Okay so I’ll tell the sexual dream first because the normal dream is the same thing taken out all the sexual parts. Dream: I text my friend because my family is just stressing me out. I don’t want to be home and I tell her that in the text. So we decided to just drive far away from where we lived and ended up at some mountains. We got a blanket out the trunk and sat on top of her car and started talking about everything. Somehow we started kissing and I know she’s my best friend but damn she can kiss. We made out and you know how making out always leads to something else? Yeah well that happened here, it lead to everything I’ve always wanted to do with her and without any weird parts. The nice part is that there was already music playing in the car and it was sexual music and everything was perfect. Although my best friend who is actually in this dream lives 54 states away from me its just weird how I still dream about her after all these years. I talk to her almost every day and I’ve even told her about the dream. And how we had sex on top of a car in the mountains, I think that’s one of my top 4 sexual dreams of all times. Then again I think 2/4 is with her in them. The only sucky part about this is knowing that she lives forever away and I probably won’t see her, let alone go to the mountains with her. But this dream makes me want to go to the mountain and at least chill because the view (in the nonsexual one) was a great view; a bunch of lights and everything. Just one of those places you want to go to when you’re stressed.
Signed: Mountain & Sex

I think that’s my life in a nutshell; well most of my current one. I’ll keep you posted on the rest of it =)

Alone In The World

I can't even begin to express how I'm feeling. I've expressed it once before and I still have no answers. The feeling of defeate and giving up has came over me. I feel like just making a fire and blowing everything in it.

I went to my lighter and needle about 2wks ago just to find out, I had not fire in my lighter. I asked Pooh to send me one but she's not down for it. And I haven't been able to burn because I haven't got a lighter. I just need an escape away from everything.

Normally people have friends to talk to about this but there's two problems with that. 1.) Mentally I only have one friend and physically I have no one. I just feel I'm always there for people around me, but its like no one can be there for me. (Besides that one person) So to avoid all that I've been like a mirror to everyone. Most people I hang out with are happy so I just reflect whatever their feeling back to them. No emotionally I'm disconnected but I appear perfectly normal. And its been working to my advantage too.

Generally school gets me away from everything. Unfortunately that's not the case. Let me break it down for you. I'm taking child development, it only makes sence child psychologist taking child development. But for me the class is just more than watchin how children grown. It makes me want a little bby and that thought takes me to YORKER and by now everyone except her knows how I feel. I even canceled a party invite because I knew she would be there.. the other class in taking is philosophy of sexuality and that's just a direct link to YORKER, my whole sex life was wit her. Yea there were other people but most of it was YORKER.

Again I'm just at a fucking loss with this thing I call my life. "/

I'm Done!!

Although I’ve been really on myself to finish this blog challenge, I’m done. It was fun while it lasted and I really had fun doing it but it’s bad timing for me right now. With everything that’s going on personally just trying to do this blog challenge and go through what I’m going through is too much. So as of now my challenge is over.

Lately YORKER has been on my mind like all the time! There isn’t a day I don’t dream or think about her at least 5 times; and its breaking me down mentally. With missing her and thinking about her all the time has brought me to want to burn way more now. I haven’t done it in about 3 months but its been running through my head way more now than the last 3 month put together. I figured it was better than I cause pain then to feel pain from me and YORKER. But to stop from burning I’m going to try and get something pierced or another tattoo just for the pain factor. Only thing is, piercing don’t hurt me that much.

So for those of you who were enjoying my blog topics, I’m sorry but I’m out. Its just too much to do all together with YORKER and family its just overwhelming. I’ll still write every now and then this doesn’t mean that I’m done blogging forever but just for now I need a break from everything! But I will be back…soon I hope.

Tearing Me Up

BLOG DAY #20

This month hasn’t been that bad. I’m around more people now and in school which are both helping me with this YORKER thing. I like both of my classes and I’ve already learned a lot although they are both super long I like them. Sex class we have so many jokes in there you just want to go; and as far as child development it’s just super interesting and I’m learning so much.

As far as relationships with people, they’re changing some for the better and some going for the worse. Its kind of like people I wouldn’t expect to be so close to me are closer than ever. Like those are the people I text when I can’t sleep or if I need to cry my eyes out about YORKER. And for the people I called my “close” friends I have no idea where the hell they even are in my life right now. The ones that I use to talk to about everything are no where to be found when I need them and even further away when they’re right there. I just don’t understand and I’m seriously tired of trying to figure it out, whoever is here is here and if they not then whatever. I’m not going to kiss anybody’s ass to be a half-ass friend to me when I can get a full time all the way friend 24/7.

With this month and YORKER; its just been a lot to take in. although this blog helps me get things out I just feel like what it helping if I cant tell her or if I’m not talking to her ya know? It’s kind of for my own personal thing to get it out but getting it out means I think about, thinking about it means questions are asked, questions asked means I cry and crying makes me want her more. But talking about it has opened my eyes about other things. At this point I just wish I could see my future, I want to know if everything I want (YORKER, my building, my own family) will happen or am I waiting around for nothing?

I talked about being “fake” in the sense that I can trick anybody to thinking that I’m happy with just the right smile, the right voice and my always right outfits. Today I was just walking from my class to go to meet a friend and this guy stopped me and said “every time I see you, you’re just so happy and full of life.” My first thoughts was damn your watching me. But then my second thoughts went to dang I must be getting better at this “fake” me. None of my best friends or “close” friends ever think anything is wrong with me; in a way it’s kind of like okay all going to plan, but then again its like would they care if they knew the truth? A question I have the slightest answer to…

Herstory In the Makin

BLOG DAY #19

Something I regret isn’t that hard to think of sadly, there have been a lot of regretful times in my whole 19 years on this Earth. But 3 of them stick out to me the most well mainly two but so yeah I’m just going to talk about two of them.

I regret not saying goodbye to my dad. When I was 15 my dad died. I’d known him 5 years before that and we got along great. 2 weeks for summer break was spent as his house every summer and a week for every holiday break I got more than a week off. When we first met I was already 10 and he wasn’t that sick, although it was hard for him to walk around a lot without getting tired quickly. When I was about 13 I noticed how sick he was getting he lived in Landcaster, CA and he couldn’t even walk around his apt without getting tired. Maybe when I was also 13 I noticed he started using a breathing machine, so he wouldn’t feel that tired after walking around the house. It’s kind of like the ones they have at the hospitals but you use it at home whenever you need it. It seemed like the more I went to visit the more he was on the machine. There were a lot of times I went in my room at his house and cried because here was this great guy who was my dad and here he was dying before I could really get to know him.
When I was 14 I remember me and my mom rushing out to Landcaster (about an hour drive from our house) to see my dad who was now in the hospital bed; I don’t remember anything he was saying or the nurse was saying to my mom. All I remember was the walls, the smell, and the hallways, how it looks like so many people had died and how the hallways never ended. All the walls were the same; all the rooms were the same. Everything was all the same and it freaked me out. Since then I’ve developed a phobia of hospitals; my hands get sweaty, my knees start to shake, my head gets light, and my heart goes faster than after I run a 400 meter dash. And then my anxiety kicks in and then I have to go outside to get air before my anxiety make it impossible for me to breath at all. After the whole hospital thing he was able to go back home a few days after they ran some tests on him. And not too long after that he died; I wasn’t ready to say goodbye nor was I ready to attend my first funeral ever. I was only 15 how I could loose my dad at 15 when I just met him 5 years ago!! I met my other brothers and sisters. Altogether my dad had 9 kids (me being the youngest of course.) And according to everyone there I looked just like my daddy, I guess when you’re going to miss someone who pass on you want to hear that people see a little bit of them in you. But hearing that didn’t stop the tears from flowing as soon as the funeral started.

The part I hated the most besides the whole thing; well the two parts I hated was 1. Everyone saying it was a “celebration” in my head all I could think was “what in the hell are we celebrating? My dad is dead, there’s no celebration there.” But I just cried and cried, and my cousin (I think she is.) just held me and let me mess up her pretty shirt. And this is where regret starts to set in because as everyone was walking to go say their goodbyes I just couldn’t find it in me to go do it. I don’t think I could come up with an excuse with that one I just wasn’t ready to say goodbye nor could I even move. And to make things even worse I didn’t even go to his barrel (sp). I only thought that if I go that it would all become too real, and I didn’t want it to be. Everyday for about 2 weeks I called his house number to hear is voice on his voicemail. I just wasn’t ready to let go of him. The only picture I had of him came out of his obituary and I still have it.

I look about 3 months to be able to look at it without crying. But there are times, like around most holidays, and his birthday where I just loose it. I’ll stay in my bed with his obituary and just cry and cry and won’t move unless I need to pee. I didn’t only loose a dad at 15 but I lost a best friend at 15. but everything I do now I do for him; even though he cant be there to see me through it all I know he’s up there watching over me saying that my little girl right there. Before every race I run I give a kiss to the sky to let him know this one is for you, and at graduation I gave him a kiss. He’s watch me do everything and he’ll continue to watch over me. And I’ll always know that my dad is an angle in haven watching over me.


My second regret won’t be as long as the first, or well I don’t think it will be. Since my dad died letting people get close to he hasn’t been on my, to do list at all. Every time I felt someone getting too close I had a way for them to want to leave. I stopped talking to them or I just started a huge fight. After my dad died I just knew I didn’t want to feel that pain of getting close and then having someone ripped away from me, so nobody was close to me, knew too much about me, or did I really care about enough. After about 3 years of blocking to world out of my life I met YORKER. There was something about her that was so intriguing to me and I just had to know more about her. Our history together is not only a long one it’s a rocky one, anyone who knows us knows we’ve broke-up 20000 times and been together 400000 times. I’m the kind of girl that has to have someone strong, not only physically but I guess it would be mentally. I hate people I can push over! I hate pussy as niggas! In lesser terms; push overs are so boring and I hate boring because then I just feel the need to be a bitch all the time and with YORKER that was never the case. All the time we’ve been together I’ve never been bored with her. Even just me and her chilling at her house while I watch her play video games; with anyone else it would be shoot me in my face boring but with her its just fun. She talks to me about how it works and I even give her good luck kisses (which always work.)

If you read yesterday blog you saw how me and YORKER started planning or lives out but it doesn’t say why we broke up. Well here it goes my #2 regret which as been in my and YORKERS relationship for a long time. You’ve read the history on T-Bird and I well that’s where my problem set in. when T-Bird and I were dated she cheated a lot, and I look her back because I thought that’s how people did it when they were dating. WRONG! In 9th grade I dated another T-Bird, thought everything was going great come to find out she was just cheating on me behind my back. Having been cheated on in back to back relationships I just kind of told myself cheating is apart of a relationship; then YORKER came and even before she could start cheating I started pushing her away, I knew just what to do to make it seem like opps I’m sorry and not like I’m pushing you away intentionally. And I did just that, this last time we were together I told myself all games aside no bullshit and no pushing her away no matter how hard things got. So things never got too hard, until my insecurities started coming out on their own and that’s where it went down hill from there. After the break-up, well even before the break up but after the damage we all ready done I tried to go back to my mental game plan with nothing gets in my way; but it was too late. About 2 weeks later I was talking to my Pooh and spilled out everything to her, I told her how it started and how it was ending with me in tears. I told her how my past taught me that everyone is a cheater and how I trusted her just didn’t know how to show her that I did.

How that the whole time ever we’ve been together she’s never given a hint or a sign of cheating me. Told her how I don’t even think she’s ever thought about cheating on me. I felt like crap after wards and even tried to explain to YORKER how I’d fucked up and knew I was wrong. How that I’d thought about it. But all YORKER said was she didn’t know, and I haven’t talked to her since that day. (with YORKER and I there’s probably more regrets but this one hurts the most because we started planning our lives; I just hope she wont walk away from all that now =/) I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I hope it’s the future that we planned together. And if you just happen to be stalking my blog I’m sorry and I fucked up, I know that now and I want you back.

2 For 1 Deal

BLOG DAY #17

Since lately I’ve been talking about YORKER, I’ll just keep going with our favorite memory. Well my favorite memory of us together. Most people who really know me, know that I don’t talk too much about good things because in my life nothing good ever lasts too long. But with YORKER we had some good memories. My favorite of all the years I’ve know her has to be this last time we was together. We started planning our lives out together. Starting with the kids, we had their names down packed, we knew who we was going to go to when we needed sperm, we were pre prepared. We wanted a boy first (everyone wants a boy first) we came up with the name Jerrell Marquis ______. And then about 2 years later I would get pregnant with out daughter named Kyra Renee or Alazja Renee ______. Now YORKER had came out with all the girl names by herself, how she did it I have the slightest idea but they’re all some good names. I know Renee was her best friend’s middle name who passed away (R.I.P BRE) and the rest I don’t know where they come from but she thought of them. (I like Alazja Renee best lol shh) And that was the kids, after the kids well kind of during the thought process of the kids name we mentally build out house. Me being me I didn’t care what it had as long as there was a walk in closet for our bedroom and she had a room for herself. I personally have a lot of clothes just me by myself, YORKER doesn’t have that many but she has shoes and will have clothes (come on now I’m going to be her wifey of course she has to have clothes.) So there was no doubt that we needed a walk in closet. Also I have OCD and when we watched the T.V channel dedicated to fixing people homes I noticed a lot of them had weird counter tops in the kitchen and I would go crazy if I had some of those things, I would be cleaning like crazy! So we talked about that. So our overall house had a master bedroom/bathroom with walk in closet, baby room, office space, and a room completely for YORKER and they guys (which would be sound proof.) after the house planning we started planning who would get what car, and how we’d hook it up. This one was the funniest for me because every car/SUV I picked out YORKER didn’t like it for me. She was really worried about the safety of it and how it ran and all of that. So at the point I didn’t pick a car/SUV because everything wasn’t good enough for me. (I wanted a Honda Pilot) The next thing on our list was our wedding. To me and every other gay not being able to get married is total bullshit! And we were no different in the subject so I told her I wanted a wedding and as long as she was coming home every night we’d be married. I wanted a wedding for the dressing up and so our friends could come and support us typical for gays. I was looking at wedding dresses just because I knew what YORKER wanted to see me in and how she wanted me to look. But before I could even get too invested into the wedding plans YORKER and I broke up. =/ I’m not sure if all the plans have burned and will never happen, but I hope they do for the simple fact I love her and she the only one I’ve ever planned my life out with, doing it with someone else just wouldn’t feel right to me. So hopefully she comes back to me soon.

DAY #18

Every birthday is good because you make another year, but I’ve never had a great birthday. Most of my “family” forgets my birthday and the rest don’t care to get me anything.

Smoochiies

BLOG DAY #16

My first kiss, well knowing me I just couldn’t be normal so I’m going tell both of my first kisses. And all the juicy details that go with them. I mean it wouldn’t be fun unless I do so right? Right!

B-Van was a boy in my first grade class. He had a big ass head and sat right by me. Because for some reason stupid teachers place kids in alphabetical order, I think that’s the stupidest idea ever! But hey teachers do it. So he and I sat next to each other and I don’t really remember how but we ended up near each other a lot during activities. During reading time this nigga would away find he way to sit by me or as close as he could. I would sit in the little corner with the bean-bag and he would try and sit in the little corner on the floor right next to my bean-bag. I would take my chair and pull it all the way by the front door and yeah you guessed it he was right there too. Even for lunch we would stalk me (haha) see back in first grade, well most of elementary school I never ate lunch. I loved to play tether ball so I would be the first out off class and the first on my favorite court. And I would stay right there until the bell ring. It was on a Tuesday me and B-Van kissed because we only had reading on Tuesday and Thursday and I remember Thursday, but first I have to tell you Tuesday. So I had ran to get the bean-bag again in my favorite corner and yea he was there. The next thing I know the book was covering out faces and we were kissing. The kiss was the standard 5 second kiss but it felt like it was never ending. So we went back to our seats and on Thursday we kissed again. So my first kiss was in first grade in the back of the class covered by a book, with a guy named B-Van.

My first lesbian kiss was with a girl we’ll call PIT-BULL (only because she had like 3 of them.) Pit-bull and I were best friends, she would always wait for me so we could eat together; and I was always at her house staying the night with her. I remember liking how she talked. (One thing about me is I watch how people lips move when they talk to me.) So I always watched her lips move whenever we would talk. And we talked about everything; we were only in the 3rd grade so there wasn’t that much to talk about anyways. We had the same class so a lot of days after school I would go to her house and we would do homework and if it was a weekend I would stay the night. I want to say it was her 10th birthday party and it was at her house, it was so much fun we dance, ate, and just had fun with people from school. After everyone left me and Pit-bull went to her room, I think I was waiting for my mom to come over and get me. We were lying in her bed and she was talking to me and her lips moved so gently I just leaned over and kissed her. I totally knew she had kiss before because of two reasons one: we went way past the standard 5 seconds and two: because I felt her tongue in my mouth. The only thing that stopped us was that her mom called me because my mom was outside waiting for me. I think that’s when I fell in love with my best friend. After that day and a few more days of kissing my best friend, things went back to normal and we just stop kissing each other. We weren’t going out so it wasn’t like a break-up it was just a break-up of kissing each other every time nobody was around.
Although I have kissed more guys than B-Van I would have to say he’s probably my favorite guy to kiss. I haven’t met a guy that can kiss like him. And Pit-bull was my first girl on girl kissing action and I loved every bit of it. Both of these people were a first for me and I love them both still.

Yes, I still watch people talk; and I’m stuck in a situation where I want to make out with someone just because their lip movement while they talk to me. Maybe that’ll be another first for me lol

The Freakyy Child Psychologist

BLOG DAY #15

So the term dreams in my head is kind of big, like do you mean last night dreams; or my lifetime dreams? And to stop all confusion in my head I’m just going to write about starting with last night dream because that was an interesting dream to say the least!!

Last Night Dream:

So that nothing is too obvious I’m going to say “that person” a lot so nobody thinks its them or someone else you know to just kill all questions. I honestly think that my mood last night had a lot to do with how my dream came out but I’ll just tell you what happened.

Me and that person were watching T.V; on T.V there was some fighting moves and I said” oh I can do that” they said yeah right so I was like get up like me show you. And it was in lesser terms kind of sexual move to begin with and the way I landed on them just made it even more sexual and you know in the movies when people have that deep eye stare? Yeah we had that and then we kissed (ah so wonderful) and then we got up. Like 2 minutes later I saw another move I could do so I said it; but all I really wanted was another kiss. So we got up and I did the move and it landed up an even more sexual position. All I could think was “perfect”. And we ended up kissing again and way much longer than the first time, way better than the first time too. This time neither one of us wanted to move so we laid there making out. I sat up to pull off my shirt. And we went back to making out, they took off their shirt and then my bra came off. (Ah it was so sexual!) They picked me up and we went into the bedroom and then I got up to get some ice =) (freak) and I rubbed the ice all down their body and my tongue followed. All the way down south. We also used some whipped cream. Then that person went down on me and there was nothing but the music and my moans surrounding the room. I tried to run from the great feeling of their tongue giving me pleasure but they wouldn’t let me get too far. I tried to use my hands to push their head away but my hands were cuffed to the bed post. At this point all I’m thinking is there go one orgasm who knows how many more the night has in store for us. After exploding I woke up because I had to pee and I couldn’t get back to my perfect dream after waking up. Super sucky!

Lifetime Dreams:

I’m going to school to be a Child Psychologist and that’s going to take up half of my lifetime. I want to open my own Child Psychology building. And I know how I want it to look and everything, it’s going to be like a YMCA kind of but with writing, dance, music, yoga, art, and gardening so the kids can use the building as a place where they escape and get away from whatever is bothering them. I haven’t thought of much after that because YORKER was supposed to help me with is, but we all know about that.

I also want to open a shelter home for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender kind of kids because they have a hard time coming out to their families and some families just kick them out no matter how young they are. And some of them can’t turn to anybody and just end up killing themselves. I don’t think that’s fair at all so I want it to be very open there so everybody can come and have support and a family. Also for those who are going to go have a sex-change they need somewhere to stay and I think my shelter would be great for them.

Of course I want to get married; I know what kind of dress I want already. I know what kind of shoes I want; I know everything I want for my wedding. Of course I and YORKER had everything planned. From the general time to how many people and the list of people we didn’t want to come at all. We even had our kids planned out, when we were getting me pregnant and who we would use and who was out the question. And we had their names planned out too; 1 boy and 1 girl. And if we got bored than we’d get pregnant again.

Slacker's Ketchup Blog

BLOG DAY #10 (what you wore today)
Today I wore pj’s all day because I was home all day until my mom came home then we went shopping and I wore my gray skinnes with a white shirt with black in it with my brand new gray, black and white vans. For anybody who knows me dressing like this is everyday unless I’m feeling lazy. I always match from head to toe and most times under that too. I strongly believe that everyday is a fashion show and you never know who looking at you so you need to dress up everyday that you can. Sometimes I just feel like crap or just in too much pain and I wont fully get dressed. But I still match, and I won’t waste an outfit if nobody will see me, meaning if I’m running around the corner to Fry’s I won’t get fully dressed. But if I’m going to school or to the mall or church then I get fully dressed, head to toe.

BLOG DAY #11 (siblings)
I have 1 older brother (Steven), 1 older sister (Ty), and my little sister (Christian). Out of all my siblings I and my younger sister get along the best. I love my little sister to death even though she can piss me off sometimes she’s still my love. When we were little we never got along and always fought! But eventually we got along and now we’re best friends. I tell her everything and she does me the same way. My brother and I just became come in about 2005 but im glad I have a big brother now. Its real nice, to have him to talk to now without it being all stupid weird between us. My older sister I careless for; we never got along and most likely we never will and it doesn’t bother me one bit. I feel like its just one fake ass person I have to worry about. I think its just one less person to care about which is always a good thing for.

BLOG DAY #12 (what’s in your bag)
1- ½ inch 3 ring binder
2- Pens (6)
3- Pencils
4- USB for my phone
5- Planner
6- I-pod headphones
7- Chap stick
8- Car max
9- Gun
10- Lady things
11- Perfume
12- I.D
13- Debit card
14- My sexuality book

BLOG DAY #13 (this week)
Monday- Child Development 9-10: 15 && Sexuality 11-12:40
Tuesday- At home
Wednesday- Child Development 9-10: 15 && Sexuality 11-12:40
Thursday- At home
Friday- Shopping
Saturday- Dance practice, Doctors. Hair Appointment (maybe)?

BLOG DAY #14 (what you wore today)
Today all I’ve wore was some basketball shorts and a gray shirt; haven’t been outside the house so I haven’t gotten dressed. We we’re supposed to be going up to my little sisters school but I think my mom forgot all about that because we’re still sitting in the house trying to figure out what we having for dinner. “/ which we do everyday.