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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Ticking Bombshell

I was born with a temper. Having tempers just runs in our family, but within the last year I feel my anger getting worse. Before I sound like a 24/7 angry bitch I'll explain what I'm trying to say.

There is a long actually very long list of things that aggravate me. A lot of it to someone else would be like "oh you tripping'" but no a lot rather big or small things bother me. (They're all running through my head now, but there's way too my to sit here and list) There's (outside of family) I think one other person besides myself who knows how selfish I can be with someone. She's (Pooh) had first hand with my selfishness for 4 years so she completely understands, well I'm not sure she understands but she knows how I get. Then There’s others who know I'm selfish but just don't know how "bad" I can get. They see what I show, and figures out some but still have no idea. Basically it’s me and my selfishness times 3 and that’s how it is.

I'm the kind of person who you can make frustrated and on the outside I'd get over it but inside I'm dwelling on what happened which builds up and makes me mad all over. So I can get mad about the same thing hrs after it happened. And I never say anything so it just builds up inside. A lot more it's been happening too; people just been frustrating me left and right and instead of saying "aye you’re pissing me off" I shut down, get quite, just answer short style with “yea, okay, um” as answers and dwell on whatever just pissed me off. Sooner or later I’m just going to crack!! Everyone will leave me alone after that and watch what they say to me because obviously they haven’t figured out who I am. My fuse is already short and now it's burning and it's just a matter of time before I fully go off on someone. It’s happened before and it’ll happen soon I can just feel it in my body its going to happen soon. There’s so many things built up inside there’s no telling who or what I’ll do when the time comes.

I strongly hate people who constantly say things that are like set in stone. Understand? Or do I sound confused too? (It happens a lot!) Example might help: I can say "omg her hair is horrible" she can change that before I see her again, right? But for someone to be like: "you’re a brat" it's like uh duh? I’ve been me for about 20 years now I know how I am. So what!! I'm not calling you to get me stuff and you’re not buying me anything so stop pointing it out! There's a list of 3 people I ask to get me stuff: my mom, my step-dad, and my daddy (who is dead) it's not like I ask everyone for everything I want! If I can't get it from my mom or step-dad then obviously I don't need it and won't ask for it! Even if someone went to the mall bought me my favorite shoes; there's a high as chance I'm going to not even open the box and tell you to return to sender! B-Ball Star bought me some green vans they were the cute ones I said I wanted and I didn’t even take them, it’s like yeah I’m s brat but I don’t take things from people who isn’t my mom or her husband. I hate that because I’m a brat people think I’m going to take whatever I can get my hands on, WTF!! NO!!! That just pisses me off to an all time high! I’m a brat deal wit it! If you get to know me you’ll see yea I want a lot of stuff but I don’t go around getting everything I want nor do I go around asking people for things that I want. I won’t even ask someone for a quarter if I needed it. I just don’t do that and it really makes me mad that people that call themselves “knowing who I am” honestly don’t know shit about me at the end of the day.

Like I said there’s only one person who kind of understands how I am, and how to talk to me and how not to talk to me. Other people are just completely missing the whole point of everything its like if I clearly get mad then clearly you did something wrong and it pissed me off. My Pooh is the only one I say sorry to for my actions too so its like with her there’s times I fuck up and as much little things she do for me I owe it to her to be there all the time. Even if I’m there and a bitch that’s not being there and she doesn’t deserve that at all! So besides her I really don’t say “hey I’m sorry for today” uh no that’s not my job people know what pisses me off and what they shouldn’t do/say.

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