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Thursday, January 06, 2011

Epic Failure

It seems like everyone around me is doing better than me. I don’t understand how I got so lost, I kind of figured after college everything else would just fall into place it never really occurred to me that I had to actually do other things along the way. I just don’t think I’m ready for this whole “adult life” to start. I got my long-term goals, short-term just isn’t me thing but I guess I better start making it that way. Agh I don’t know what to do I have until summer to figure something out and that to me is not that far away. Although it’s only January and summer is in May I just can’t do it.
I feel that if I go out on my own I’ll fail. Like if I try to live on my own (well without my mom) I wont do good, I’ll end up broke, homeless, and starving, and then I’ll have to come back home to my mom. And I don’t want to fail. I mean my mom has done everything for me. Cook, wash my clothes, drive me places. There’s nothing I really have to do. What if I get out there and I just fail at it all? Oh dear my head is starting to hurt with all this. I don’t see how people do this on their own.
This is all coming so soon! All my friends are talking about this state or that state and I realize…what state am I going to be in when all my friends leave this state? Oh sweet words of holiness! I don’t want to do this! Can I just go back to being 16 and then go from there and hopefully lead to something good after that? Eh why ohh why is this so hard. And yes I’m complaining; and yes I’m for real; and no I’m not stopping until everything is figured out.
I guess I’ll have to get this “after college” thing soon. Time is what I need and for once I don’t really have it. I need to get this situation under control before I have a something that people get when they stress too much, and I don’t think that’s too far away from where I am. Life would be super easier if shit I don’t know! I could just live with my mom forever, although I don’t think that’s on her to do list, we can make it work (highly doubtful)
I have a personal invitation to stay with someone but…shoot I don’t have a reason not to want to go. I mean I’d have it made out there with her. I get all the benefits of living with someone. The only thing is I’d have to learn how to cook more things than I already know how. And for my personally my list is pretty long. (Proud of myself, high key.) I wouldn’t mind living with her, she’s really funny and will always be there to make me smile. I don’t think there’s really a bad side to this. I mean I get kind of everything I want and more.

Ugh my life my sweet mfn life!! ADULT LIFE SUCKS!!


-TD

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